In my last post I expressed frustration and confusion over how socialization is done in Indonesia. After I wrote it I kept thinking and observing and found more to add.
First, let me point out a pretty obvious error in my thinking. I put everyone together in one big group and overgeneralized hugely. Which, while I'm not trying to excuse overgeneralizing and it's negative effects, to get to any detailed thought about anything you start with generalizations that you then question and dig into deeper. This is my digging deeper.
Kudus may be a small town in the north of central Java- a huge island belonging to a country that has another 14,000 islands, but even then it has its own little diversity. OK you don't have much diversity in things like hair color and skin color and language but you have diverse little bubbles that make up the people of Kudus.
There are Christian circles, Muslim circles, University student circles, community leader circles, teacher circles... I walked into this culture and am awkwardly trying to find my identity here. I'm trying to learn about a culture without being treated like a person belonging to the culture and without a long history and therefore relationships and rhythms and familiarities that the local people have. I am an outsider. Which is fine, but it does make interpreting the culture an interesting task. It's a crazy endeavor. I come from countries that are so, so different than Indonesia. The way we perceive things is so tied to what we grew up with (I know there is psychological term for this but bare with me and my simple, quotidian vocab). How can I ever BEGIN to understand anything from this country the way the people here understand it? Simply put, I fit in no circle here in Kudus and so I'm smooshed between two (or three, if you count the Portuguese culture. I kept trying to say Portuguese words today as I was speaking English and it killed) cultures and still trying to create a daily rhythm and maintain my sanity while still being who I am but enjoying the other culture that is everywhere I look and permeates everything I do. Can you see how it would be hard not to resist it, get a little frustrated, get a little confused?
So here, from my unique bubble, it is difficult to see into other people's bubbles and understand how their rhythm of life works. Even being in a home stay situation, I see my unique family's life but it's still difficult to understand. The key word, is unique. My host dad is an assistant pastor and on fifteen thousand boards and committees. My host mom is a nurse. Their lack of what I see as a social life does not mean that my students at the university also live like that, or that because my students at the university don't seem to socialize a ton with each other out of the university doesn't mean that Joel's students and church youth don't socialize outside of academics either.
There are things I don't see. For example, every Wednesday evening I have been gone for some reason or another, so I did not know that my host mom goes to a community women's meeting every Wednesday. I knew that once every other month a ton of ladies were at our house and that meant there was a ton of snacks laying around for the next two days, but I didn't know that was actually a weekly thing where they got together and sold things to each other and talked about the community and... socialized. I realized that this week.
Also, this being a very religious society it would make sense that much of the socialization that occurs would happen in the church setting. My church is in the village and frequented by I would say 12 adults ages 50+ and 2-3 teenage/young adults. My attempts at getting together with these 2-3 young adults have failed miserably. That said, the church in town, from a different denomination and budget, has about 35 youth and young adults and have weekly special events on top of cell groups, youth meetings, regular church services, sports events, praise and worship programs etc. The kids socialize at these events. Maybe they are not for the sole purpose of socialization but they bring people together and relationship happens there.
My university has no dormitories so most students who don't commute stay in boarding houses around the school. My host parents have a boarding house attached to our house that houses about 8 girls. Most of their nights are spent wearing PJ's and giggling in front of the TV. But they do it together. I am often woken in the morning by their laughter and yelling. They have relationships that were built while wearing those PJs in front of the TV. Every night. Seven nights a week. Because there isn't a lot of "going out", there is a lot of "staying in" and a lot of socialization happening then. Behind closed doors. So when I ask my students, "What do you guys do for fun? Where do you go out to?" And they answer that they don't go out, but they just stay at home, it doesn't automatically mean no socialization happens.
I see a ton of students hanging out at the university and while they don't seem to go many places together outside of campus, they sit around and talk inside of campus and that's where their memories are made. That's where it goes down, on that partial wall that separates the scooter parking lot and the main campus road. When I've asked them what their best memory is, some of them tell me stories of this once when they went to the beach (which is an hour away) with their senior high school friends. It confuses me because they live so close to the beach town. Why not go every weekend?
The fact that girls can't be out alone or with other girls and no boys past 6pm makes for a very different social life than I was used to. I guess everyday relationship building happens in the workplace, in the school during their breaks or in class, in once a week women meetings, in the church (I'm not sure what kind of community activities happen in the mosque), in front of the TV, sitting and doing nothing in the town square (which is actually a huge grassed roundabout in the middle of town), .... Not necessarily at coffee shops over a late, or in bars over a beer, or playing games, eating together, cooking together, staying up late out on the town, going to the cinema, shopping, bowling, going to the beach.... People here also visit family, and that takes time. They are a very family oriented society and that includes aunts, uncles, etc.
Though I may feel bored or lonely here it doesn't mean that the people here aren't social. It means that I am new and out of my element where I am known and have history and can readily seek enjoyable, intentional social interaction. If I grew up here A) I'd understand and therefore be satisfied with what this culture offers as far as socializing time and place, and, B) I'd know people and have my own family.
Perceptions, objective reality... So hard, especially when you bring the inevitable heavy baggage of your own culture.
__________________
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A story of being blessed.
I've been having an awful time with my stomach lately. A lot of nausea and stomach pain, and it's not enough to go to the doctor but it's enough so that it gets my spirit down and it's hard to work. I would rather have diarrhea a hundred times more than having nausea and stomach pains. I don't know if it's all the fried food I eat or all the rice I eat or a combination of both but this last week has been bad. Waves of nausea in the middle of teaching, heavy stomach and fatigue.... In a fit of frustration yesterday I vowed to stop eating Indonesian food. I can cook my own food that will not make me ill, thanks very much.
I managed to make it all day with no Indonesian food. Coffee and an apple for breakfast. another apple and a carrot and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and for dinner... I was just planning on having an orange and maybe a piece of bread. (There is a market here with fresh ingredients but it's a half an hour bike ride from here. And when it's raining, that is not an option...) Just so tired of rice and fried chicken, or fried rice, or fried noodles...
And actually I've felt really good all day. Feelin' fresh and not heavy in the stomach. But now I'm hungry. But I don't want to buy fried rice again!
I was going through my dinner options and realizing that if I couldn't even do one day without Indo food, surviving till July... Not going to happen. Ugh Sometimes I just want American food. Stuff my stomach can stomach!
Then I get a text from a friend of mine, her name is Yuliana :) and I met her teaching at the hospital. She's a kindred spirit. Her text was something on the order of, "Juliana, I'm at Papa Ron's Pizza [the only pizza shop in town] with my family. We have left overs. Do you want some?!"
Do I want some? Are you serious? Heck yes I want some! It was perfect. And the first time it has ever happened. My first thought was: "that girl is from God, and God's blessing me through her."
Weirdly, it gives me a sense of, "Ok, maybe I can make it on Indo food till the end of term." As long as I have days where I can detox and go all out on fruit and maybe something American, I'll be ok. Reminds me that God going to come through when I'm at my limit and really just needing rest from the stresses of life. Whether those stresses are from living overseas with all the newness that comes with that, or whether it is stress in the States struggling with a heavy work load, or whatever. God will come through. Makes for a blessed Church!
And a happy Juliana stomach.
I managed to make it all day with no Indonesian food. Coffee and an apple for breakfast. another apple and a carrot and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and for dinner... I was just planning on having an orange and maybe a piece of bread. (There is a market here with fresh ingredients but it's a half an hour bike ride from here. And when it's raining, that is not an option...) Just so tired of rice and fried chicken, or fried rice, or fried noodles...
And actually I've felt really good all day. Feelin' fresh and not heavy in the stomach. But now I'm hungry. But I don't want to buy fried rice again!
I was going through my dinner options and realizing that if I couldn't even do one day without Indo food, surviving till July... Not going to happen. Ugh Sometimes I just want American food. Stuff my stomach can stomach!
Then I get a text from a friend of mine, her name is Yuliana :) and I met her teaching at the hospital. She's a kindred spirit. Her text was something on the order of, "Juliana, I'm at Papa Ron's Pizza [the only pizza shop in town] with my family. We have left overs. Do you want some?!"
Do I want some? Are you serious? Heck yes I want some! It was perfect. And the first time it has ever happened. My first thought was: "that girl is from God, and God's blessing me through her."
Weirdly, it gives me a sense of, "Ok, maybe I can make it on Indo food till the end of term." As long as I have days where I can detox and go all out on fruit and maybe something American, I'll be ok. Reminds me that God going to come through when I'm at my limit and really just needing rest from the stresses of life. Whether those stresses are from living overseas with all the newness that comes with that, or whether it is stress in the States struggling with a heavy work load, or whatever. God will come through. Makes for a blessed Church!
And a happy Juliana stomach.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
A Different Kind of Social
I've been going to the gym about 5 times a week. Running and lifting. Feels really good to push myself physically and get tired out. Helps with getting emotions out. The first few times I went were frustrating as people stared and the gym guys obsessed about my knowing how to use the machines, but now they know who I am and mostly leave me alone. Someone has mentioned before how the other SALTer here doesn't talk to many people when he's at the gym. They seemed to think that he was being anti-social, and I've gotten the same comments said about myself when I am biking somewhere with my head phones on, for example. I explained that when we go to the gym, we don't go to talk to people. We go to be alone and exercise and that we really don't want to converse with anyone. It's not the purpose of going to the gym. In America, most people have their headphones in and it would be extremely rude to stop them in their run to ask for a photo, or to distract them while they are lifting weights. It's just not done.
I know people don't understand. Why would we not want to stop what we're doing and talk to them for 20 minutes?! Why would we want to be cut off from others and so alone when we are doing things? It's the American way, I guess. There is social time, and there is alone time. Socializing is done on dates that you usually schedule ahead of time, usually during meal time over food and in the evening. Other than with family, social time in the US is usually at events. You meet up with people. Alone time is for the in-between, and to be alone is perfectly alright and does not indicate that a person does not have friends or no one wants to be them. When I tell someone I'm doing something or when I first get to an event, the first question I am always asked is "Sama siapa?" ("With whom?") and it sounds strange to them when we say "Sendiri" (Alone). Sometimes I'm told I'm brave. Sometimes I'm just looked at with an "Oh! Poor thing..." expression. It's the same with romantic relationships. All the time I am asked who I am dating. When I explain that I have dated before but broke up with my boyfriends, it confuses them. Why would you not want to be dating someone? Why would you purposefully be alone?
And yet...
I often, often eat alone.And my evenings are sometimes spent alone, even though I know plenty of Indo people. The eating thing especially confuses me. Everyone will be at home, but my host parents will take their food into their room and I will eat at the table alone and it will be completely normal to them. Evenings are spent in front of the tv, not in a coffee shop talking with friends, or playing cards and talking with your family.
And yet they are constantly texting people, constantly on facebook.
I don't understand it, really. A very social society. You do everything with people. And yet you don't often have intentionally social times and times that would be convenient to be social, in the evenings when everyone is home, or at meal times, are not taken advantage of for socializing. There is no time purposeful for socialization, not many friend dates that from what I see in the society. That makes me sad. Yet people are trying to talk to me all the time, and people think I'm snobbish for not answering their calls and their yells as I'm walking somewhere or doing something.
This is just a cultural observation that my limited experiences have given me, but it's a phenomena I haven't quite figured out yet. What's the underlying pattern, or cultural value that I'm missing? Is it not so much a difference in socializing as it is an independence thing? Confusing...
I know people don't understand. Why would we not want to stop what we're doing and talk to them for 20 minutes?! Why would we want to be cut off from others and so alone when we are doing things? It's the American way, I guess. There is social time, and there is alone time. Socializing is done on dates that you usually schedule ahead of time, usually during meal time over food and in the evening. Other than with family, social time in the US is usually at events. You meet up with people. Alone time is for the in-between, and to be alone is perfectly alright and does not indicate that a person does not have friends or no one wants to be them. When I tell someone I'm doing something or when I first get to an event, the first question I am always asked is "Sama siapa?" ("With whom?") and it sounds strange to them when we say "Sendiri" (Alone). Sometimes I'm told I'm brave. Sometimes I'm just looked at with an "Oh! Poor thing..." expression. It's the same with romantic relationships. All the time I am asked who I am dating. When I explain that I have dated before but broke up with my boyfriends, it confuses them. Why would you not want to be dating someone? Why would you purposefully be alone?
And yet...
I often, often eat alone.And my evenings are sometimes spent alone, even though I know plenty of Indo people. The eating thing especially confuses me. Everyone will be at home, but my host parents will take their food into their room and I will eat at the table alone and it will be completely normal to them. Evenings are spent in front of the tv, not in a coffee shop talking with friends, or playing cards and talking with your family.
And yet they are constantly texting people, constantly on facebook.
I don't understand it, really. A very social society. You do everything with people. And yet you don't often have intentionally social times and times that would be convenient to be social, in the evenings when everyone is home, or at meal times, are not taken advantage of for socializing. There is no time purposeful for socialization, not many friend dates that from what I see in the society. That makes me sad. Yet people are trying to talk to me all the time, and people think I'm snobbish for not answering their calls and their yells as I'm walking somewhere or doing something.
This is just a cultural observation that my limited experiences have given me, but it's a phenomena I haven't quite figured out yet. What's the underlying pattern, or cultural value that I'm missing? Is it not so much a difference in socializing as it is an independence thing? Confusing...
This week.
Last Saturday Christian (a Fullbrighter here) and his friend JT (also a Fullbrighter) and Joel and I went to a soccer game here in Kudus. It was Kudus vs Surabaya, a big city in East Java. We were predicted to lose but ended up winning. Super fun to watch. They were not too bad! Took me back to the days of soccer games in the Azores, watching Santa Clara get destroyed:
This is Marlon and Andrew, Stephen and I are in the background. Circa 1999
Unfortunately my computer/internet connection has decided it does not want me to update anymore photos onto blogspot, so I'll try to put them up on facebook and put the link to the album on this website.
The game was pretty nuts. We met JT and Christian at a local fish restaurant and felt our bicycles there. Walked over and got out tickets and I should have known from the near squeezed-to-death incident in the line to go into the stadium that it was going to be a wild ride. One of Christian's Indonesian friends grabbed us and took us to the area where the face-painted, waving, chanting crowd was and we were immediately the center of attention. A lot of camera phones in our faces, soccer club scarves around our necks, chant yelling in our ears... It was mad. And I, both as a girl and on top of that a white girl, was definitely in the minority. I've gotten used to it mostly but sometimes I just wish there was a chick around here that I could hang out with and who could relate!
Eventually we got told we could cross the fence into the field for better pictures and so we climbed over the 7 foot barbed wire fence and got to get some pretty cool pictures of the field. Ahaha I have some great photos of Joel leading the crowd in cheers from a high platform on the inside of the fence. My newspaper friend from church saw me and came over. He took some pictures and apparently we all ended up in the newspaper on Monday. I have yet to see it but I've heard it's a pretty cool photo. He did an article about me a couple weeks ago as well, so I've been in the newspaper twice so far this year. : ) Celeb status!
Kudus ended up winning and we got to see the crowd celebrate.
I had thought about not going... I had a rough morning where all I wanted to do was cry and not be around people. Sometimes I just feel such a void of love and understanding here. Not the love I'm used to anyways. No hugging, no cuddling, no hair messing, very little eating together as a family, very little soft speaking and politeness in the way that I'm used to, very little creative stimulation, not around a lot of people who have travelled and know where I'm coming from when I have difficulties with the culture.... I had just watched "New York, I Love you", a movie about many different stories of different kinds of love. Just made me feel sad. I'm glad I didn't give into the mood though, and got to experience the game.
It's hard to know when you've reached your limit and you need to shut down for a while. When is it appropriate to get away from it all, and when is it appropriate to dry your tears and get out there and face the world again? There could be negative consequences on both sides. If you don't respect your stress but go out there and try to face the world you may end up saying mean things to people, being rude, getting more irritated... That could be damaging to the world and to you. But then if you stay at home, what are you missing out there?
Sunday I went to the wedding of one of the lecturers at UMK. It was one of the smaller weddings I've been to (at the last wedding I was at they gave away a fridge and a tv as door prizes, had dancers with 4 foot feathers coming out of their hair, and a 6 course meal) but I really enjoyed it because there were so many people I knew from school there. I realized that they are my community and it was neat to see them in a setting other than campus. For some reason there was a lot of really beautiful batik and clothing at the wedding as well, and it inspired me to look into getting some clothes made here before I leave. And possibly making enough to sell over there in the States. Maybe. The month before I leave Indo there are no classes at the university. Maybe I could use that time to travel around, find some good batik, and have some stuff made...
Other than New York I Love You, I watched The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Life As We Know It. Maybe because I had read the book before, but The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was not a great movie. For one, it was dubbed in English from Swedish and that was a little distracting, plus they left out significant parts. But Life As We Know It, with Katherine Heigle was really, really good. Laughed out loud several times, but it had some serious parts too. It reminded my a bit of What Happens In Vegas just because it dealt with the real issues. The hardness of life. The acting was pretty believable I thought..
This week Karen, Major, and Lilik came to Kudus to visit. I think they're going around visiting all the SALTers but Tuesday was the day for Kim, Joel and I to be visited.It was so, so great to be able to talk to them about my position, experiences, frustrations... They were really encouraging. Listened a lot, asked good questions, praised the strengths they saw in my work... It made me more excited for retreat. I just long for fellowship. I'm super thankful that Joel is here, but it still gets lonely.
This week in Small Speaking Group I showed the students a book I got from Christian called "Being Muslim in America." It had a lot of pictures and stories and lead to some really good conversations. Plus, I learned a lot through the book as well. You can read it too. Here: http://www.america.gov/publications/books/being-muslim-in-america.html
I went to the gym 4 times with week. Felt so good. It's been raining a lot lately so running outside hasn't been an option.
Yesterday I went into town and just hung out by myself which I really didn't mind. I'm thankful for the personality I have. I think it goes with what I want to do in life. I do need people- for sure. But I don't need a lot of people. I need a few close friends and a few occasional friends and then I'm set. I don't need people around me all the time and I'm completely ok with hanging out with myself for an afternoon. I could see myself getting along fine in a developing country living in a town with very few expats as long as I had at least a team of about 10 who come from my culture and be my community. I could do that for a good many years.
While I was out I went to Omah Mode, a factory outlet with a restaurant attached, I found out that a pair of pants I had been looking at for a while was 75% off. So I bought them for $5. :) They are cream and pink paisley, stretch, flared. Awesome. I'm not big into pink but I really love these for some reason. With a grey t-shirt they'll be fab. I also found out that a lot of the stuff there is 75% off including some amazing scarves I saw. I'm tempted to shop and re-sell back in the States. Really tempted. There's Ralph Lauren, Chanel, Burberry, Charlotte Russe, and Christopher and Banks. Also a lot of Adidas and Nike.
That's about all I can remember of significance for this week. I'm sure there's more that could be written but this is getting long and I just wanted you to get a little overview of my week and the activities it held.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Party in Kudus!
Well there's just positiveness all around today!
1. Yesterday I had no school so I did all the work I was putting off. Productive day, which makes for a less stressful following day.
2. Last night I was able to finally access my Kindle online, which means the fact that my Kindle disappeared does not mean I will not be able to finish Stieg Larsen's The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. I have loved his trilogy and am slightly obsessed at this point. He's dead now, so the fact that there is no more where this came from makes it even more consuming.
3. Got an email from my mum this morning, replied, and got a reply back. I love it when that happens. It's almost like we're talking.
4. Finally drug over all 60 books to the campus (all of which I signed yesterday... in case you donated them and are wondering, I wrote "To UMK students from Juliana's church, friends, and family in the US. With Love." The department head, Bu Fitri, was ecstatic.). Handed them over, and now I have a desk again!
5. Joel got his long awaited packages from the US today!
6. I had a for real laugh in one of my classes. I don't really, really, laugh a lot these days. Indonesian humor is not like US humor and I find it hard to understand at times. And it's frustrating when I make jokes and find I'm the only one laughing.
I walked into my class late cause I had some trouble dragging the books to my desk. OK that's not true, I was late cause I woke up almost late and then decided to make coffee (TOTALLY worth it, by the way) but then it was too hot to drink so I had to wait for it to cool and then I spilled some down my shirt and then I had to change my shirt. Seven thirty classes are real buggers.
I walk into class and the kids are all sitting on the floor. There are four students up front and one of them has a bundled up jacket they are protecting and this is what I hear: "No this is my hen!" "Then why was it in my house?!" "It went walking, walking!" (In Indonesian "jalan jalan" means traveling and literally translated it is "walking walking"). The teacher corrects him- "No, it took a walk." "Oh yeah it took a walk!" "No, I can recognize it! It mine!" "I know my rooster. Look into it's eyes!" "The cock is mine. Fine we will cut it up." "OK you can have the head and feet, I will have the body." "No that's not fair." "OK I will chain it up next time and it will not travel to your house." "Fine lets cut the chicken in the half." "I'm confused!" "Same with me!"
All the while I notice these 70's glasses someone is wearing (those ones that are kind of in style now but still are ridiculously huge and hideous and should have been left in the 70's) begin to travel from person to person. I have no idea what is going on or whose glasses they are but they look ridiculous and SO out of place, especially on these conservatively dressed veiled girls! It was pretty hilarious and I couldn't help but
laugh.
Finally the chicken/cock/rooster/hen issue was resolved and they shook hands on it. That was after the girl kicked the guy in the shins. Pretty awesome drama. I explained to them the difference between cock/hen/chicken/rooster/chick. The stuff they come up with to get by using limited vocab is pretty funny sometimes. Yesterday someone was trying to get his group to say "doll" and described it as a "toy for a woman child."
And positive happening number 7.... I am about to nap and then I'm going into town to pick up money and my newly repaired phone.
Sweet.
1. Yesterday I had no school so I did all the work I was putting off. Productive day, which makes for a less stressful following day.
2. Last night I was able to finally access my Kindle online, which means the fact that my Kindle disappeared does not mean I will not be able to finish Stieg Larsen's The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. I have loved his trilogy and am slightly obsessed at this point. He's dead now, so the fact that there is no more where this came from makes it even more consuming.
3. Got an email from my mum this morning, replied, and got a reply back. I love it when that happens. It's almost like we're talking.
4. Finally drug over all 60 books to the campus (all of which I signed yesterday... in case you donated them and are wondering, I wrote "To UMK students from Juliana's church, friends, and family in the US. With Love." The department head, Bu Fitri, was ecstatic.). Handed them over, and now I have a desk again!
5. Joel got his long awaited packages from the US today!
6. I had a for real laugh in one of my classes. I don't really, really, laugh a lot these days. Indonesian humor is not like US humor and I find it hard to understand at times. And it's frustrating when I make jokes and find I'm the only one laughing.
I walked into my class late cause I had some trouble dragging the books to my desk. OK that's not true, I was late cause I woke up almost late and then decided to make coffee (TOTALLY worth it, by the way) but then it was too hot to drink so I had to wait for it to cool and then I spilled some down my shirt and then I had to change my shirt. Seven thirty classes are real buggers.
I walk into class and the kids are all sitting on the floor. There are four students up front and one of them has a bundled up jacket they are protecting and this is what I hear: "No this is my hen!" "Then why was it in my house?!" "It went walking, walking!" (In Indonesian "jalan jalan" means traveling and literally translated it is "walking walking"). The teacher corrects him- "No, it took a walk." "Oh yeah it took a walk!" "No, I can recognize it! It mine!" "I know my rooster. Look into it's eyes!" "The cock is mine. Fine we will cut it up." "OK you can have the head and feet, I will have the body." "No that's not fair." "OK I will chain it up next time and it will not travel to your house." "Fine lets cut the chicken in the half." "I'm confused!" "Same with me!"
All the while I notice these 70's glasses someone is wearing (those ones that are kind of in style now but still are ridiculously huge and hideous and should have been left in the 70's) begin to travel from person to person. I have no idea what is going on or whose glasses they are but they look ridiculous and SO out of place, especially on these conservatively dressed veiled girls! It was pretty hilarious and I couldn't help but
laugh.
Finally the chicken/cock/rooster/hen issue was resolved and they shook hands on it. That was after the girl kicked the guy in the shins. Pretty awesome drama. I explained to them the difference between cock/hen/chicken/rooster/chick. The stuff they come up with to get by using limited vocab is pretty funny sometimes. Yesterday someone was trying to get his group to say "doll" and described it as a "toy for a woman child."
And positive happening number 7.... I am about to nap and then I'm going into town to pick up money and my newly repaired phone.
Sweet.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
"Give us days to be filled with small rebellions, Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all" -JoC
It's Wednesday, and because the English Student Association meeting that was supposed to be today was postponed (I would be talking about Business English. If you have any suggestions for the presentation let me know) I am working on other stuff that I've committed to but have been putting off. Specifically, worship for the MCC retreat in Bali at the end of next month. I'll post my final worship plan on here in case you want to join in our worship from far away. I've gotten most of the songs together that I think would be appropriate but I'm still working out the transitions, prayers, liturgies, and scripture readings.
When she was young my sister wanted to be a pastor but because I come from a conservative Baptist background she was instead encouraged to develop her personal knowledge of the Bible and God and share it only in informal settings. She has since been taken from us to live wherever God is (I'm actually not bothered much with the fact that I don't know exactly where she is, because we have been promised that those who love God will be with God when they leave this world, so wherever it is she that she is now, it is very, very good. Because the face of God is there. Time will fly till I see her face, and God's face, and I rest in that.). I've never wanted to preach because I really am not interested in Greek or Hebrew and I don't believe that a knowledge of these languages is necessary to know the truth of God since he is just as present here with us (and additionally we have the Holy Spirit) as he has ever been and I doubt that my translation of the original writings of the Bible would be terribly different than any of the hundreds of versions of the Bible that are available now in English. In the past 5 years (since I have left my small bubble of Portugal and been exposed to other small bubbles in the US) I have come to see that it doesn't take an academic to be qualified to effectively share with other people truths and insights from the Bible. The Bible is alive and the words are very living in the sense that there are so many lessons to be learned from the simplest stories about the nature of God. The Bible to me is a book that says- Look how God has worked in the past and better see how God is working where you are now. It is a testament to God's continual involvement in the human story and God's promise that God will always be involved in our breaking, redeeming struggle.
Preaching is therefore not ripping apart individual verses and scraping the barrel for truths from a dead language (A word about that- what message do you give your congregation about knowing God through the Bible when all your sermons revolve around your knowledge of dead languages that took you 5 years to learn? Perhaps, "Wow, I will not be doing that at home. My daily devotions are simple and dumb compared to this academic stuff!"), it is, in my opinion, leading people in the simple Big Picture of the Bible and the stories of God's making good of our bad, and our love for that Redemption moving us to imitate and worship him. I'm not against quoting individual verses but when taken too literally, individual verses without a grounded knowledge of the big picture can be very misleading.
With this perspective, I've started to love the Big Picture and being able to share with others my discoveries. I'm not looking at a career in the ministry in the traditional sense but I'm excited to take opportunities to share those discoveries and lead people in worship again in the future.
(My family has since slowly but surely converted from Baptist fundamentalism to a religion founded on grace and simple Truth and therefore I know I would have their support if I did go into the ministry full time. :-) )
While I looked up music for retreat I came across this song by Jars of Clay- my all time favorite "Christian" band- called Small Rebellions. It struck SUCH a chord with me because since I was small I have been looking for something to fight and trying to channel my passion and aggressive spirit. I have found plenty wrong in the world to rebel against, and this song talks about one of them.
You tube video with music and lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk28J2sFsTo
Small Rebellions lyrics
Jars of Clay
God of the break and shatter
Hearts in every form still matter
In our weakness help us see
That alone we'll never be
Lifting any burdens off our shoulders
If our days could be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
God of the warn and tattered
All of Your people matter
Give us more than words to speak
Cause we are hearts and arms that reach
And love climbs up and down the human ladder
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jars-of-clay-lyrics/small-rebellions-lyrics.html ]
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
The fall
We will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
The fall...
When she was young my sister wanted to be a pastor but because I come from a conservative Baptist background she was instead encouraged to develop her personal knowledge of the Bible and God and share it only in informal settings. She has since been taken from us to live wherever God is (I'm actually not bothered much with the fact that I don't know exactly where she is, because we have been promised that those who love God will be with God when they leave this world, so wherever it is she that she is now, it is very, very good. Because the face of God is there. Time will fly till I see her face, and God's face, and I rest in that.). I've never wanted to preach because I really am not interested in Greek or Hebrew and I don't believe that a knowledge of these languages is necessary to know the truth of God since he is just as present here with us (and additionally we have the Holy Spirit) as he has ever been and I doubt that my translation of the original writings of the Bible would be terribly different than any of the hundreds of versions of the Bible that are available now in English. In the past 5 years (since I have left my small bubble of Portugal and been exposed to other small bubbles in the US) I have come to see that it doesn't take an academic to be qualified to effectively share with other people truths and insights from the Bible. The Bible is alive and the words are very living in the sense that there are so many lessons to be learned from the simplest stories about the nature of God. The Bible to me is a book that says- Look how God has worked in the past and better see how God is working where you are now. It is a testament to God's continual involvement in the human story and God's promise that God will always be involved in our breaking, redeeming struggle.
Preaching is therefore not ripping apart individual verses and scraping the barrel for truths from a dead language (A word about that- what message do you give your congregation about knowing God through the Bible when all your sermons revolve around your knowledge of dead languages that took you 5 years to learn? Perhaps, "Wow, I will not be doing that at home. My daily devotions are simple and dumb compared to this academic stuff!"), it is, in my opinion, leading people in the simple Big Picture of the Bible and the stories of God's making good of our bad, and our love for that Redemption moving us to imitate and worship him. I'm not against quoting individual verses but when taken too literally, individual verses without a grounded knowledge of the big picture can be very misleading.
With this perspective, I've started to love the Big Picture and being able to share with others my discoveries. I'm not looking at a career in the ministry in the traditional sense but I'm excited to take opportunities to share those discoveries and lead people in worship again in the future.
(My family has since slowly but surely converted from Baptist fundamentalism to a religion founded on grace and simple Truth and therefore I know I would have their support if I did go into the ministry full time. :-) )
While I looked up music for retreat I came across this song by Jars of Clay- my all time favorite "Christian" band- called Small Rebellions. It struck SUCH a chord with me because since I was small I have been looking for something to fight and trying to channel my passion and aggressive spirit. I have found plenty wrong in the world to rebel against, and this song talks about one of them.
You tube video with music and lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk28J2sFsTo
Small Rebellions lyrics
Jars of Clay
God of the break and shatter
Hearts in every form still matter
In our weakness help us see
That alone we'll never be
Lifting any burdens off our shoulders
If our days could be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
God of the warn and tattered
All of Your people matter
Give us more than words to speak
Cause we are hearts and arms that reach
And love climbs up and down the human ladder
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jars-of-clay-lyrics/small-rebellions-lyrics.html ]
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
The fall
We will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again
No, we will never walk alone again
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
Give us days to be filled with small rebellions
Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all
If we stand between the fear and firm foundation
Push against the current and the fall
The current and the fall
The fall...
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