........

life is so unpredictable.

journey start!

I flew into Philly this morning and after dragging my 50lbs suitcase, knocking my guitar around, and breaking my back with my ungodly weighty backback all through the septa train station and then china town, I made it sweaty, happy, and definitely slap happy sleepy to my sisters apartment. Thank God for crocs. And again I remind you all mine are not the traditional ones, they are a nicer looking line of crocs. I am a croc hater and in general will sacrifice comfort for looks. There- I said it. I grew up in Europe, I care about how I look. And from what I read Bangladeshis care as well so I think we are a-ok. But, consequently packing these past few days has been a stinking challenge. On the one hand I have everyday work which I want to look nice for, and then I have trekking in Nepal which I'll need "rough it" clothing for. And then the winters are cold and the summers are hot..... So I ended up packing about 4 outfits and whatever else I need, which I'm sure I will, I can get there.

I also discovered REI this week. LIFE SAVER. Amazing store.

Now I'm off to bed. I'll be here in Philly seeing friends and family until Monday and then I'll see more family in Harrisburg and from there to orientation in Akron on Thursday. Orientation for a week and then....................

Which, I think I'm already famous in Mymensingh because someone just told me via twitter that I was in the newspaper today. Interesting...

I love being able to see people in PA and I know that orientation will be excellent but man do I look forward to finally being in Bangladesh and settling down!

First thing I do there will be brew a fresh cup of coffee in my REI super durable and efficient french press. That is, if we have electricity................

Soon.

Last night was a going away dessert. It was so SO great to see people from my church there and then friends from other areas of life. Leaving is hard. Not when I'm surrounded by people, but when I'm alone shopping in WalMart for random things like bug repellant, I get a little teary. It's overwhelming. No cold feet... It's just the overwhelmed feeling that anyone gets when there is a big...er, HUGE.... change coming up. The unknown can look so big and scary. You leave behind people you love, people you're getting to know, crushes, your church, your family, friends, acquaintances, familiarity... It's hard to envision something you've never seen before....

Yet I can, somehow, see myself there. I can almost feel the humidity and sticky heat, see the dirty streets, smell the litter... See people's smiles, their stares, experience their incredible hospitality, buy beautiful salwar kamises, eat strange food, count foreign money, try not to stare at the beggars, try not to gag at the smell, try not to buy every gorgeous scarf I see....

It's all in my head though, and I know that real life is always better than the imagination, because real life is just that- real. It's happening. Nothing is hazy or made up... all the senses are engaged and overwhelmed. I like that part of life. That we can hope for things or anticipate them but they're always amplified in their consuming-ness and their extremes when they happen. I dont think I'm explaining myself well. Imagination, anticipation, hope, is awesome, but I like having all my senses engaged and I appreciate reality.

I'm slowly packing my bag. Went to walmart today and bought hiking boots and cosmetics. And a for sale sign for my car :( It's not selling as fast as my dad said it would.

I also bought crocs. Shoes are the hardest thing to decide on when packing. I decided to invest in crocs because I needed shoes that are good for walking, that are comfortable, that are plastic, and that can be nice/semi-profesh looking. I bought some that are slip ons and look like normal flats but with little teardrop holes near the toes. If you know me you know I would never go for the original crocs and it was hard to decide to get these. But I'll be very glad to have them in the end, I believe. So other than these silver crocs, my flip flops, my tivas, my hiking shoes, and my tennis shoes... I think I wont take any more shoes. :)

Got my immunizations yesterday and today I have the sorest throat and a constant head ache. :( WORST thing about traveling- those stinkin shots.

Thoughts and preparations

I got back from Portugal today and other than a complete inability to remember that it is Saturday, I feel like I'm adjusted to the time. Everyone else is napping but my brain is going 150 mph with eveything I need to get done in the the next 12 days. I'm so glad to not be working at the real estate agency during these days.. I'll need all the time I can get to see people, gorge myself on all the food I won't be able to eat in Asia, get forms filled out, clean my room out, sell my car, make art, and pack my bag. Oh, and buy all those weird travel things like those flash lights you charge by spinning the handle and those weird plug adaptors. I'm a list person and my favorite thing is to make a list and put little boxes next to the item and check them off once their done. Ah, it feels sooooo good.

Right now I'm sitting on the only free surface in my room- a corner of my unmade bed. My room is an embarrassing disaster and I can't think where to start. Leaving is hard but not as hard as the preparations that come before the leaving. Thing about goodbyes is they're more hard to think about than do, because once you actually come to the point of saying goodbye to people you are so freaking tired of packing and preparing and losing stuff and finding stuff and packing and re-packing that you just want to get the heck out of there.

I'm not there. I'm still in the excited, making lists mode.

But, saying goodbye in Portugal was very hard. I miss that place more and more and saying goodbye gets harder and harder because the lapses of time between visits are getting longer and longer. I have no idea when I'll be back there. That hurts.

It's so strange, so paradoxical- I LOVE that island and I consider it my favorite place on earth, yet I rarely entertain the thought of moving back there. People ask me if I'll end up there living there again and I always automatically say no. I dont know why. I guess I feel like I am not called to live there again, but at the same time I know God doesn't work against our desires. Maybe it's that there are places I know I will love more but I need to find them first. Does that make sense? Maybe I just need to live a little first and then I'll be back there. If I become a writer maybe I'll do that. It's a very inspiring place and our house has big windows and just screams relaxation. The muse is always active there, particularly in the bathroom. What?! You're going to tell me some of your best thoughts weren't originated sitting thinking on the toilet??!

This is what my current Bangladesh prep activities look like:

Printing all necessary MCC emails and docs.

Getting all my medical docs signed.

Cleaning the car and putting it up on...... all the places where people sell cars online (i.am.clueless.)

Completing reading a Vishal Mangalwadi essay on corruption and development and the book "The Open Secret" by Lesslie Newbigin. They're both good cultural prep books.

Also like I said before, eating US food like.....

- NYPD's buffalo chicken salad,

-bacon everything,

-cheese everything,

-coffee shop drinks,

-In and Out burgers, fries and shakes,

-ice cream, specifically cake batter and pistachio

-Blue Moon with an orange slice and sangria

-Munchies in Tempe

-home made brigadeiro

-meat EVERYTHING

-Olive Garden

And I really can't think of anything else but I'm sure I'll think of more to add.

Other than that I'm in contact with SALTers that were in Bangladesh who are now in orientation back in Akron and getting some tips from them.

My mind is overwhelmed but my heart is at peace and my spirit is so content.

I am b l e s s e d .

Article - Can the words of men be the words of God?

This article was written by the Vishal Mangalwadi and goes through different arguments for why the Old and New Testaments can be accepted as God's word. I have to say it's the best piece I've read on the subject so far.

http://www.vishalmangalwadi.com/vkmWebSite/WordofMan_WordofGod.pdf

Readi-ness

A break through of sorts.

I am sitting on my bed in Portugal, it's 4am and I'm not one bit tired. The time difference kicks my butt every time.

I can honestly say I am ready to be ready to go. It has been an incredibly difficult week and one that I will look back on and see God's grace walked me through it all, just like the weeks after my sister's accident. I haven't had time to think much about Bangladesh but today for some reason I have been able to meditate on my purpose in going and on the people I will leave behind and the journey ahead and God in his sovereign mercy has comforted my heart and I can honestly say I am ready to be ready to go. That means if I were leaving tomorrow, I would not be ready. But I am ready to cut some roots and begin preparing my mind and thoughts fully to leave in August. I had a lot of hours to think through things during my trip over from the US, and then all day today as the family was out and I was home alone resting from the 16 hour trip. Being away from AZ has helped me clear my mind and I just feel less influenced and distracted in my thinking. The reality of Bangladesh is setting in, and I am oh so happy for this next step.

Portugal for 10 days

I'm in Portugal for 10 days!

I got in this morning. Flew from Phoenix to Boston, then from Boston to Ponta Delgada.

I left the house a semi mess, sorry Chris and Carly. I've learned that working a 9-5 and then having 3 crazy dogs and a 5 bedroom house to take care of takes way too much time and leaves little time for socializing. Consequently, the house was a mess for most all of the time I was left there taking care of it.

Instead of packing on Monday like I was supposed to, after picking up my car from the auto body place I went to Cali Pizza Kitchen with Charith, and then went and watched Eclipse. (First movie I had seen in the theater in like, 5 months. Super silly movie, but hey....) Then I went home and watched Anderson Cooper 360. Re-mourned Haiti's earth quake. Looking forward to reading more about Haiti though. It's an interesting case in post relief development.

When do you go from relief to development? What do you do when people are moving out of their houses that weren't effected in the earth quake into the relief tents, because they're better quality? The whole country needs developed, and every sector of it too. Education, sanitation, governmental, transportation, housing, agriculture, the justice system. Where do you even start? But I truly believe in holistic development, development not just focused on one of those areas I mentioned, but a central development that organizes them all. Is this to be done by outsiders coming in through an NGO, or the people themselves? And can you take relief money and invest it into development?

So it was definitely 3:30am when I went to bed. Flight left at 9am. I am a really good flyer- sleep the whole way most of the time. I had a lot of thinking to do so I journaled the first two hours of the flight. I decided to journal without music. I love music, but I realize it has an influence on me that can then influence my thoughts and journaling and sometimes I just need me, my thoughts, my journal, and God. No more influences. Need objectiveness.

Once in Boston it was like I was in a different country already. Boston means so much to me.. I've flown through there literally dozens of times, and it's always to get to Portugal, or coming from Portugal so there is a ton of excitement associated with Logan International airport.

There are also traditions. Like getting frustrated TO DEATH trying to get from terminal B to terminal E, the international departures terminal. Like walking a MILE to get there and of course we have super heavy suitcases because we're taking American things back with us. When we travel in a group this is always the most stressful time relationships wise. We all know the best way to get to terminal E, and whoever wins always gets crap for whatever set-back that route they chose has.

Good thing terminal E is spacious because we usually need some time apart once we get there. Oh family. :)

But when it's just you and you there's no one to blame for long journey to terminal E so you just do it and hate yourself for a while. Then you get there and buy a donut from dunkin donuts, of course. Because it's Boston. And because I usually take donuts back to Portugal for the expats there who miss American food.

In Terminal E you begin experiencing foreign culture. Ridiculously long lines, a bit of pushing and shoving, complete lack of organization, people trying to walk through security with their shoes on.. Then when they call boarding for families with children EVERYONE gets in line. There's no order what so ever. lol

The flight to Portugal is long- 5 hours. I slept through it all. Except when the food cart came along and knocked my elbow. The curse of the aisle seat.

I got here and had to wait for mum to pick me up- don't blame her for being late. I got in at 7:30am.

Man, I can't explain this place. I love it. I love that I have memories here, but no daily life stresses. I can enjoy things in a different way than I enjoyed them when I lived here.

Maybe the new earth will be like that- we are able to enjoy the things we couldn't while we were here when it was the old world, because we were so focused on battling/ healing the brokenness of the world. But then when we don't have to watch Anderson Cooper talk about Haiti, we can actually go to Haiti and enjoy their unique culture without thinking about "What can I do to help these people?"

I cannot fathom an unbroken world. But I think we're supposed to, and we're supposed to work towards it.