Repentance and Grace

Lately I've had to beg God's grace and forgiveness like I've never had to before. Life has broken me and my weakness has been IN MY FACE. You know like when people are all up in your grill about something or other? LIFE is all up in my grill about my weaknesses and there is no running from the reality that I need GRACE and forgiveness like no other. Sometimes we get to points in our life where our sin is so raw and deep that the only thing we can see of worth in ourselves is the image of God that he graciously incorporated into us upon conception and the worth he sees in us, and if it weren't for the knowledge of our worth in his eyes it would be hard to keep living.

Yeah, this is a downer post. It's not an exciting "Oh my gosh I'm going to Bangladesh" post. It's a - wow, I am very human, I am very broken, and I am in need a savior and messiah like no other.

If any good ever comes from my life it will because God was beautiful enough to continue using me despite and through my incredible weakness and sin. I don't understand God's view of redemption but I embrace it and I NEED it for him to work through me. What I mean by that, is that God takes badness, dirtiness, unworthiness, and filth and uses it for his purposes so that good can come not only despite the sin, but THROUGH the sin. I'm not justifying sin. I'm glorifying God's ability to REDEEM us. To reconcile our sin with his purpose and

m a k e

s o m e t h i n g

b e a u t i f u l.

Sin is sin, but God is sovereign EVEN OVER OUR BAD CHOICES.

He does not abandon his children when they fall.

He provided a way on the cross so that when his children fall, there is still peace through his blood.

He is still jealous for our love and for us to come running back to him after our sin.

I know this through reading David's story. David's sin was a little "more severe" than my recent sin. God convicts, redeems, and forgives and truly desires us to come back to him.

I'm going through that process now.

I am blown away by his forgiveness.

It does take all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me. Especially when our pride was the basis of our good works before, after we fail and fall, to not ignore God and give up completely but leave our pride broken at the door and realize that mercy is all that will get me through now, is the only way to go.

There is a reason for everything and God can redeem everyone and every situation, even though it will be a painful process my heart is ready for the new growth God will do in me and through my tripping up.

I'm not sure repentance is regret are the same thing. Regret is wishing we hadn't acted a certain way. Repentance is wishing our hearts had not been in the condition to have let that act happen. I don't need regret right now, but I do need repentance. We all need repentance. A repentance that goes back not to right before we sinned, but to before our hearts were in the place to let that sin happen. Sin is not an act, but it's a lack of loving God, I truly believe. The acts that God prohibits in the Bible are not in themselves wrong, they are wrong because they reflect a heart that does not love God. So repentance, I think, needs to be focused on setting our hearts back on God and loving him stronger.

I realize I'm a bit raw in this blog. Not just in this post, but in my whole blog. I'm a verbal processor and I'm also a pretty honest person, so what you read it what you get with me. I'm not afraid of you judging me. Because sorry to offend you, but you're as sick as I am. And thank God, because Jesus came to heal the sick. Not the healthy.

I'm honest and raw in this blog because I have seen in the past that people are often encouraged and refreshed and can identify with honesty. I am covered by blood whose purity can not be denied, so as I struggle and engage in a world that is not my home and strive for the ministry of reconciliation, I will fall and fail but my confidence is not in whatever clean life I am able to live.

I get back up because I KNOW whose blood I claim.

My being able to say that is the essence of the grace of God.