Bangladesh.Women.Art. My heart, my mission.

It's official as of two weeks ago that from August 2010 till July 2011 I will be "serving and learning together" (Mennonite Central Committee- SALT program. Don't you love the concept? Serving - giving, and Learning- receiving, Together- in community aka RELATIONSHIP BUILDING!) in Bangladesh. :) I will be a) forming relationships b) teaching English to some in the community c) teaching English to teachers of English who are having trouble being innovative in their teaching of conversational, functional English d) teaching English to women coming out of of prostitution e) using art as a therapy tool for those women. The program I'll be going to is called Pobitra. It's all about helping women transition from off the streets.

The program, called Pobitra, means “holiness, sanctity, the fresh cleanliness of a newborn.” The name was intended “to remind the women that they were not bound to labels of ‘dirty,’ ‘filthy,’ or ‘spoiled,’” said Robin Seyfert, an MCC worker from Salem, Ore., who is in charge of MCC Bangladesh’s Health Education and Social Services programs, including Pobitra.

(http://mcc.org/stories/news/mcc-teaches-new-job-skills-former-sex-workers-bangladesh)

Being offered this opportunity is a huge indicator to me of God's grace in my life. He has made us all with certain passions, desires, and gifts and he wills to USE them all. Honestly, I've been an awful follower of God in the past 3 months. I've been denied to numerous programs I thought were pretty well suited for me and that I was pretty qualified for and it frustrated me to no end that every door was closing. I've had to come to grips with the fact that a closed door is a wrong door closed- to be glad that God is leading me even if it is with rejections. And sometimes when God closes doors we try to crawl through the windows and I've definitely tried that one in the past few months and it's only hurt me further. This is why I know this program is right for me:

-God has been faithful in closing every other door I've pursued, and he has provided dear friends to be an encouragement when I took those closed opportunities personally.

-Senior year of college I discovered that I am naturally gifted in art and have been casually pursuing creative design since then, often seriously considering making it a career. Art brings me joy and it is the only activity that I can get truly lost in. It's my form of praise.

-Since about the middle of my college career I've been passionate about women's issues in particularly prostitution and sex trafficking. I started a justice chapter at school that largely addresses issues of trafficking, and I participated throughout last summer and am involved now in local efforts to end trafficking.

-I am deeply attracted to engaging the Muslim religion and have found myself drawn to Muslims where ever I go. My junior year I studied abroad in Egypt and studied Islam extensively.

-Ever since my sophomore year in college I've been an ultra-pacifist. A proactive pacifist, meaning that not only am I against war and all forms of violence, I am also proactive at bringing about peace and security in other ways, specifically supporting the education of women in conservative, extremist societies.

-I've been trying to go overseas ever since leaving L'Abri November 09. Looking at opportunities, applying for programs, saving money...

This Bangladesh opportunity meets all these desires and uses all the passions and gifts I've mentioned above. It is pretty perfect for where I am in life right now. (MCC requires that all their volunteers be very pacifist in their views toward war and violence, I'll be working with women coming out of prostitution, Bangladesh is a majority muslim nation, I will be using my art, and while I have been actively pursuing career advancing programs, this is the only one He opened up. This is one of those "only God could put this together" situations. )

That said, I am "an idealist without illusions" and know that one year working in Bangladesh will not solve any of Bangladesh's problems and I may only impact those 15 women I work with. That's ok with me. I think that in the past year especially God has been preparing me to have eyes to see worth and value in a different way than the world views them. To see success in a less tangible way while still pursuing genuine change and positive long term effects.. I know that poverty is more than a lack of resources. It is more than hunger for food and lack of education. Our souls can experience hunger and that hunger can be just as destructive as physical poverty. The world is plagued with the poverty of relationship- our relationship with others, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with the earth, and our relationship with God.... these broken relationships create hunger of the soul.

There is PHYSICAL hunger in the world because of these broken relationships too.

Because those with sin against those without by not sharing.

Because we sin against the earth and the earth stops bearing fruit.

Because we sin against God and are lazy and bad stewards of our time and money.

Because we sin against ourselves and have negative thoughts and believe lies about our ability to produce food for ourselves and because we may believe we dont deserve to have food.

I can't take food to every person who hungers. But I can be a minister of reconciliation for the broken relationships above that cause physical hunger, soul hunger, a hunger for Jesus, a hunger for community. I think that it is only in addressing those relationships that true sustainable relief can come. And by addressing those above broken relationships, the hunger of the soul that WE EACH have experienced regardless of our income level, will be addressed as well.

To finish, let me say this...

I believe that God is not far from each and every one of us. What that means is, I believe God is already in Bangladesh, is already working with the women of Pobitra, is already talking to their hearts and that I am not bringing anything to Bangladesh. I want to go, find where God is already, and beg that he use me as a vessel to further what He has been doing already, is going to do while I'm there, and will do when I am gone. If I do anything but that, it will be totally for myself and so destructive. I'm not unaware that being a white American I can very easily do harm in Bangladesh. But I believe that God looks beyond race, that His power is strong enough to make a vessel out of anyone, and He's going to do that with me. Why? Because I got accepted into the program. If he didn't want me there, I'd have gotten another rejection letter. God is not sneaky in his work with his children, especially if we are prayerfully seeking his perfect will. He's made it clear this is his will. And if I get sick and can't go in the end, that's his will as well. Sometimes we can only really see what his will is in retrospect.

I'm so excited to look back in July 2011 and see how he used every defeat, every awkward situation, every cultural blunder, every weakness I have and manifested his grace, strength, and love through those weaknesses to bless Bangladesh, and to bless me, and hopefully if you keep coming back to this blog, to bless you.

It's gonna be so hard. It's gonna be SO GOOD.